Date with a Ghost - PART VI

Three weeks had passed since Rick ended our contact. I was going through my app before turning it off and came across his profile. I clicked it again just to look at it. Why was it still on? Why had he not disconnected from me? Why couldn’t I stop thinking about this man? It’s exhausting. 

Suddenly, there it was, a new picture. Two new pictures. When I looked at the profile yesterday these weren’t there. And yes, I looked at his dumb profile yesterday. I looked at it almost daily the last three weeks. Every time I told myself it would be the last time.

Why did he update his profile? Isn’t he back with the ex? Maybe it’s not exclusive. Maybe I was correct and it was just an elaborate lie to “let me down easy.” Men are extremely weird. But then why not disconnect if he knows I can see the new photos?

I can’t bring myself to disconnect.

This won’t be a problem for much longer, I will be pausing my account before the end of the month. I can’t keep dealing with men who just ghost, don’t make an effort, or just want to hookup. There is no point to this whole dating experience, men just waste your time. 

I think from now on I will only date a man if he does everything possible to show me how much he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I will not be wasting my time searching

Back to Rick. There is absolutely nothing I can think of.

Whatever, dude.

…

Tonight I’m seeing a new singer. I only know two of his songs, but it’s something to do. I am meeting a friend from work, Evan. He seems pretty cool, I’ve only hung out with him a few times though. I think it’s exactly what I need.

I arrive at the restaurant a few minutes early and am able to snag a great table by the window. Evan and I grabbed a quick dinner and a drink (mock mojito for me). 

“My last day is next Friday,” Evan tells me.

“This is such a bummer, I didn’t know you were leaving. We just started hanging out.”

“I know, I’m leaving the state too. But we’ll stay in touch.”

“So, are you excited for the change?”

“Yeah, it’s cool. I’ve been seeing this amazing girl though and it sucks that we won’t keep seeing each other.” The last time Evan and I connected about dating we realized that we had gone through a breakup at the same time, and both situations were extremely similar. So I am so happy to hear that he has met someone and that he really likes her.

“That sucks, maybe stay in touch with her, you never know!”

“Have you been seeing anyone?” He asked.

“Talking to a few. I went on some dates.”

“No one you like?”

“There was a guy that I had talked to for like a year and a half, just as friends, then we started talking as more than friends a couple of months ago. We finally met, kissed, and supposedly would keep meeting, but he disappeared.”

“Seriously?”

“Can’t make this up if I wanted.” I said, recalling the occurrences of the last few months of my life. “There was this guy that I was seeing at the same time, but he had an ex and he went back to her.”

“That’s a dumb move, it never works.”

“I know,” I laughed because it was so obvious to anyone. “Not my place to tell him that though.”

“You’re better off. He’s an idiot for going back. Also, you are great, he’s the one that let you go.”

“Want to hear something weird? He updated his profile yesterday. New pictures.”

“Huh. Why are you still on his profile?”

“He never disconnected.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” We both laughed.

“How long ago did he go back to the ex?”

“Three weeks ago.”

“Huh, and he updated his profile? Is it an open relationship?”

“That’s what I was thinking it might be. He told me the ex reached out and asked if we could still date. I know now that it was the wrong move, but I said yes. Because I liked him.”

“How did things end with you two?”

“He seemed to tell me that it was over, but then it seemed like a question? I don’t know. It was quite confusing. Basically, he told me it was over but then asked me if I agreed or was okay with it, or something like that. I didn’t understand why it was communicated as a question.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I didn’t address it as a question, I addressed it as a statement. I just said okay and wished him luck.”

“That is strange. If he was getting back with her, why ask you?”

“Well, I don’t think they were back together at the time. It was just headed that way so he broke it off. He said things were ‘progressing’.”

“So, maybe they didn’t end up getting back together.”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

“You know that was when you needed to take charge, right. He was asking you because he wanted you to stop him. And when he asked you about still dating while he talked to the ex, that was another chance - you should have said ‘your ex is the past and I’m here now.’ Trust me you’d get him.”

“Haha, you definitely overestimate my ability to persuade a man.”

“I mean, he knows you can see his new pictures.”

“Probably, but he wouldn’t care.”

“Did you write to him yet?”

“Why would I write to him?”

“To see if he’s available again.”

“If he were available again and was interested in seeing me he would reach out. HE has my number. He didn’t, so even if it didn’t work out with the ex, it seems he is just looking for new people.”

“He might just feel like an idiot. Which he is. I don’t even know why you’d like this guy. But if you do, just message him. You have nothing to lose because you don’t talk to him anyway.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Dude, hit him up now and tell him you got an extra ticket for this concert and to get his butt here and take you!”

“I’m going with you.”

“If you can get him out here then you know he’s into you. It won’t bother me.”

“I’m not that confident. I wouldn’t even know how to do that.”

“Alright, well think about it. Just let him know you like his new pictures, but be sassy.” He said. “Ok, let’s head out.”

The concert was filled with young people. We were definitely outliers.

“Look at the guy in the corner!” Evan said, “he legit knows every lyric.” Poor guy was in his happy place. 

Evan made so many jokes. We people watched so much. It was a great night.

“Hey, I’ll let you know about my goodbye party. Thanks for the invite!” he said.

We said our goodbyes and I headed to my bus, headphones instantly went into my ears and cap on my head.

…

The next day I chatted with my friend Kate. I don’t trust my decisions when it comes to relationships so I ask for advice when I’m at a crossroads. “Okay, so he updated his pictures on the app, what do you think that means?”

“Dude, hit him up. Send him creepy eyes and say nice pics.,” she said.

“Is this like an unknown rule that people with more experience than me know? That’s exactly what Evan said.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t do it, because I'm too scared of those things. Luckily I don’t have to though, because my wife is awesome.”

“Lucky you. Why would I contact him, I think he would contact me.”

“No, he might be feeling embarrassed and realized he was an idiot.”

“You and Evan should be friends, haha.”

“Just do it, otherwise you’ll always wonder.”

…

Three days later I decided what the hell? So I sent a message on the app. He probably won’t answer back. I really do feel like an idiot. “Hey, here I am going through my chats and saw your updates… nice new pics (winky face).” I could feel the anxiety building. The wait for rejection is just overwhelming.

A few minutes later, I get a message. “Thank you. I’ve actually stopped myself from texting you six or seven times, haha.”

What the hell does this mean? Like as a friend? Okay, it’s a dating app, right.

“You shouldn’t stop yourself from texting me, why did you stop yourself?”

Silence. 

Never heard anything more.

A few days later, I felt like being a jerk, “looks like you stopped yourself again, is that the eighth time? If you ever want to reach out you know where to find me.”

Two minutes later, “you look amazing today. I like the new ‘date me, I dare you’ addition.” He was referring to my profile. I had gotten tired of men and was just being a jerk at this point. So obviously, he’s checking out my profile and looking at my pictures. What the hell is up with this guy?

“Hmm, do I now? What can I say? I’m a risk taker. Dating me is an adventure.”

Silence.

…

I headed to lunch with Pia the next day. 

“This guy is driving me insane,” I tell her.

“Alright, I want to see if I can hang out with this guy I’ve been talking to but I don’t want to leave you alone,” said Pia. “So hit up Rick and see what he’s up to.”

“What! No, I’m fine. Go hang out with your guy.”

“Did you ever tell him you liked him like I told you to?”

“No, and it didn’t matter, he went back to the ex.”

“Or he didn’t and was just an idiot,” she said matter of factly. “Just text him. This is 2024, a woman doesn’t have to wait for a man. You can be straight about what you want.”

I check the app to message him, “it says he’s a mile away so maybe he’s in the city.”

“Perfect, my guy is in the city too.”

“Um, ok, but Evan told me I should get the conversation back out of the app so I will just text him. Although he ignored my message yesterday.”

“Or maybe he just hasn’t gotten back to you. Do you still like this guy?”

“I like him, but I think this is his way of communicating he doesn’t like me, you know. I would also be an idiot for chasing some guy that so blatantly doesn’t want me.”

She looked at me with that face that just says she can’t deal with me sometimes. “It’s dating, he’s an adult. If he doesn’t like you he can tell you or disconnect from you. Instead he’s telling you he wanted to text you and that you look good, and you had a really good date just a few weeks ago. Just go for it, you need to get out there. If it doesn’t work out that’s alright, there are a ton of men out there who would kill to be with you.”

“Don’t you have a way of giving a pep talk.”

“It’s not a pep talk, it’s common sense.”

“Hey,” I text, “I’m one mile away from you.”

“You are such a weirdo,” says Pia. “That’s what you texted? He’s going to think you’re a creeper.”

“I just thought that was funny.” I laugh. “He’ll probably ignore me.”

A minute later I get a text, “I just had a drink with my best friend, but waiting for the train, otherwise I would hunt you down. Do you want to meet up sometime soon?”

“See,” Pia says, “make moves. Flirt!”

“I think you should hunt me down, but I guess we can just meet up sometime soon.” I reply.

“Glad he’s not free,” says Pia, “because my guy is also headed home. Let’s go do something else.”

…

Next day I just get a random text that reads, “you’re hot.” 

This is infuriating. I need answers.

“Tell me why you had been thinking about me.” I text back. I need to know if this guy is single again. I mean, logically, if he stopped talking to me so that I wouldn’t feel weird about him dating his ex, then it wouldn’t make sense that he would continuously tell me how attractive he thinks I am if he were back together with her. But I don’t know enough to make that judgment.

I head out that next morning for a work trip. Philly.

Later that evening, “just because we had a great time when we were together,” he wrote.

“We did. I’m glad you were thinking about me because I was thinking about you too.”

Nothing.

I checked the app and saw that he had paused his profile. What did that mean? It had only been like 10 days since the updates.

Next evening, I visited the Rocky statue and had a drink, after months of nothing. I follow up to see if I can find him at a time where I don’t need to wait 24 hours to get an answer. I want to see if he’ll chat on the phone. “Hey, what are you up to?”

“Visiting my friend,” he responds minutes later.

Great, I’m just bored in an empty hotel room. TV it is. Or extra work, I guess. “I’m actually in Philly for a work conference, so just wanted to check if you were free to chat.” I also wanted to tell him about the Rocky statue, maybe send him the picture I took.

“How’s that going?”

“It’s just long days, but fun, getting to see friends. I get back to NY tomorrow.”

“NY missed you.” Seriously! Just tell me you miss me! I wish I could scream.

“NY huh? Well, I missed NY.” Then a second later I add, “NY should maybe take me out this weekend.”

Silence. 

Never heard back. I thought I couldn’t have been more clear.

On my train back to the city, I update the app to say if anyone wants to connect, they have two days. A couple of guys reached out, and one I kept talking to.

A couple of days after that, I pause my app. As planned.

Goodbye, Rick.

…