Choose Chaos…

I wonder if you look at me the same way I look at you.

When your face is standing right before me, your eyes reflecting mine. 

The gray hairs at your sides, a sign of experience - I run my fingers through the gentle waves until I reach brunette. 

Your voice soothing, masculine yet soft, makes me want to fall asleep as you whisper secrets into my ear. 

I think about just how easy it would be to fall for you. 

To get lost in a world of fantasy. 

To wish for a life where decisions would always be in my favor. 

Getting lost in the maze of lust and desire. 

Rejecting what the critics will say. 

We will write our own future. 

Our story would be a classic black and white movie - filled with jazz montages and slasher flick moments as we root for the characters to survive. 

We can rate ourselves 4.9 out of 5 hearts because you must leave room for improvement. 

How can I choose to be with you knowing you will never be mine? 

It’s quite simple actually. 

You are already mine. 

In the space we share, in the time we spend. 

You are mine for those moments. 

No one else will exist in that frame.

The world stands still for us - because we make it so. 

In those moments of utter happiness. 

In those moments… 

You do choose me.

You already chose me.

Every message, every call, every meet up. 

You choose me. 

Keep choosing me. 

A soldier of morality?

I say cancel the war!

Let’s choose to shoot flowers out of the barrels.

Stop fighting the ghosts of your past. 

Sign a treaty with me instead - a vow to always be true to what we want, and dare one another to be the epitome of humanity. 

Flawed in the expectations of society. 

Faultless in our doubts. 

Stop fighting yourself. 

I am yours.

However you offer to have me. 

Whichever space you share with me.

Whether capturing the turmoil of Van Gogh’s Starry Night or creating the tranquility of Monet’s Water Lilies - we move with the wind, with the current, with the flow. 

We are both.

Finding beauty in the chaos within our minds.

How can I choose?

Maybe I already have and I have yet to notice. 

I chose you too. 

The moment I said yes to meeting you. 

The reasons I kept your chat pinned to the top of my list. 

The moment I wrote my feelings and shared them. 

Every moment I chose you. 

By keeping a door open - expectantly awaiting, anxiously craving your return. 

I keep choosing you. 

I will always choose you. 

I am yours. 

I always have been.

Since the coffee house.

Since the intimate booth in that dark bar. 

Since the night when we reignited our impulses. 

Since the first moment your lips touched mine. 

You are an addiction - my honey lavender latte.

So bet on me.

I dare you.